A Moment

There is a time when something happens, and you change because there is no other choice but to change, it shakes you, molds you, and sooner or later it’s in your past. Then you wake up one day, and nothing terrible happens. It’s odd. You feel like the sun is brighter, the air is fresher, and you can hear the flap of a bird’s wings as it flies overhead.

Everything is easy. You’re happy.

This cant be, this must be a dream, there is no way that it is possible for someone to feel this way, or even be blessed enough to experience a moment like this. That moment lasted longer than a day for me. It lasted longer than a week. Two weeks. Three. Then I woke up.

I was back to the fragility of a smile and the smoggy mess in front of my eyes, and I broke. Before the “moment” I was used to living in my depression because it was a constant, but when I was able to experience a moment like I did just to crash head first back down, it was terrifying. Like being pushed off a cliff. The longer the moment, the worse the come down is. I hate this feeling. The feeling that I can’t control my own body or what goes on in my head. I’m afraid that I’ll push people away even more than I already am.

– Ani

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